I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
