I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
