Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
not ubering you a puppy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
