Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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