Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
