Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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