she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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