Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
