how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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