dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
