Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
