i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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