And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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