Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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