well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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