i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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