He is an equal opportunity slut.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
