I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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