I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish there were birth control emojis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
