OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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