Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
