last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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