Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
