similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk is not a location!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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