She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
