Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
