the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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