carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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