508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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