I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
