I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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