her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
