I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can't motorboat a personality
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
