please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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