Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
