Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
