Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
