She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
