Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
