I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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