Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize