nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
