She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
