he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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