who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
