I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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