are you still at the devil's house?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize