He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
