It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
