i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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