it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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