office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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