i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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