there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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