Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
