Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i've created a new STD.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
