Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
